when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
