dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
