Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
