from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
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Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
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Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
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