we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
