atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
