It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
