The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
