u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
