Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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