this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
