You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
