Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
