I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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