Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
