I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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