She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
