wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
