I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Randomize
