News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Dick very happy bro
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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