I want to make a zoo with you.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
So squirting runs in the family.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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