they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
