He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
