why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
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I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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