Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
