Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
