Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
