A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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