So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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