Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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