I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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