And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
