Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Your penis caused this!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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