I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
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I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
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My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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