Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
