I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
