It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
