pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
