Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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