I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize