Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
