a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i jhust puked up my retainher.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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