The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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