Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
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while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
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when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!