I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
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He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.