Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
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at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
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I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
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I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?