Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
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Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
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I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas