if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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