my phone needs a breathalizer
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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