on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
