if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
