a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
