Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
