y did u give ur computer a hand job?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
