hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
