Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
