i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
