Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
