im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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