Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
