I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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